i was supposed to do a lot of things this summer. i was supposed to start reading again and maybe play guitar from time to time. i was supposed to code a lot and take photos. maybe run a little bit. i was supposed to try and turn into a person.
i kind of did this. i didn’t code much of anything useful, but i took some photos. i read a lot, but not books so much. i started playing chess again, which has been a real revelation.
it’s frustrating, though. there are so many things i want to do, and yet i never do them, and i have no good reason for why i don’t do them other than “well i’d rather eat dinner with jon and then watch the west wing” or “i’d rather play halo online for the 3000th time” or “man i was really tired today” or “i just didn’t want to get out of bed.”
these are not reasons not to live.
i’m also thoroughly displeased with my once plentiful but now constantly fleeting ability to speak plainly. i’m wondering when exactly that transformation happened since junior year in college. oh junior year in college.
i say this to make it clear some of the reasons why i may seem unhappy. my lethargy pisses me off to no end, and yet i sit here and do nothing. damnit.
also i haven’t seen jen in like a month and a half.
Tomorrow you just gotta tell yourself I’m taking charge and do at least ONE thing you are trying to do. I am in the same boat; I actually made a list of goals i have for the week this week and am trying to motor through them. I most likely won’t complete them all (planned) but today I looked at it and knocked some things off the list although I just wanted to relax. Holler at a playa!!!
good advice KT. i’ll try that. plow through.